Trouble in Paradise.

Not that we live in paradise. The weather in Ohio is horrible.

One month ago we received a call from O’s Dad. We were at a new restaurant, trying their seafood because we heard it was delicious. We had spent the day hiking together and enjoying the beautiful sunny weather. When we sat down for dinner, O received a call from his dad. What was bizarre about this call is he had tried to call him multiple times, which set an alarm off for both of us. Right away, I knew something was wrong. I did not know the extent of how bad it was, but I could feel it in my veins.

O called his dad back and his dad told O his mom wanted to talk to him. As I looked at O, I saw the muscles in his face fall farther and farther. He covered his eyes with his hand and began rubbing his forehead in a way he only does when he is receiving stressful news. I knew right then that my instincts were right. Something was wrong. After what felt like hours but in actuality was only a 10-15 minute phone call, O said goodbye to his mom. I immediately  asked “What is wrong?!” knowing I did not actually want to hear the bad news.

O told me his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. My heart stopped. I began to cry knowing I should be strong for Oren in this moment, but I could not control my tears. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 9 years old. I started to tear up asking questions O did not know the answer too. I asked him if we should leave the restaurant, but we had already ordered and we could not exactly take our dinner home (my house is kosher, ironic). We sat at dinner and ate our food quietly, neither of is having anything to say, or having much of an appetite. We left shortly after and went home, a quiet car ride.

Fast forward to today. In the last 3 or 4 weeks we have learned a lot more than we knew that day. We found out she has stage one breast cancer (good) and has the BRCA 2 gene (bad, but BRCA 2 is better than BRCA 1) it hasn’t spread (good) and she is undergoing surgery Monday for a double mastectomy. Since she has the gene, she wanted to do a double mastectomy even though the cancer has not spread. Worth it in my opinion, as she won’t have a reoccurrence down the road. After Monday we will know what treatment she will need to make sure she is clear of the devil, breast cancer.

My feelings have been through the roof. My first priority is O. He has been traveling back and forth from Indiana and Ohio to be with his mom, attend doctor’s appointments, and just support her through this stressful time. I want to make everything okay, but I know that is not possible. He is stressed and anxious as anyone would be in this situation. We try to keep busy but it’s hard to not think about it 24/7.

My mom’s breast cancer took her life. For four years O has been listening to my experiences living with my mom when she was sick and now not living with her at all. I am worried O thinks about my mom when he thinks about his mom’s current situation. I do not bring up my mom’s situation as I want him to know that our mom’s illnesses are very different, even though it is the same disease. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The cancer had spread to other parts of her body. She went through a mastectomy, chemo, and was very sick. Once she finally was free of the cancer, she lived 7 years in remission until 2003 when she was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. Obviously, a blow to our family. She lived 3 more years until she passed away.

O’s mom having breast cancer hits too close to home. I try to remember how different the situations are and try to stay positive for him. I know she will be okay, but the process is still scary as ever. It is very stressful to think of all that she is going to have to go through and already going through- I can’t imagine the stress, anxiety, and fear she is facing. It is also stressful to have to think about how O his brother and his sister could have the BRCA gene (praying they are all negative)- which means our children could have the gene. I have not been tested yet and do not think I want to get tested until after I have children. But that story is for another post.

Considering our current situation, we have paused some of the wedding planning. I am still doing stuff here and there so I do not get too far behind, but overall there is no wedding talk, for good reason. Right now, the only thing that matters is that O’s mom is healthy and happy. So until then we will keep the wedding planning to a minimum.

My apologies for an extra sad post today. Positive thoughts and vibes are welcomed.



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