Tick tock, the clock won’t stop…

…And boy, am I feeling the pressure! 108 days away from the nuptials of my best friend and so much is finished, but there is so much more to do! I knew wedding planning was an undertaking, but I honestly did not know it would be like this. Then again, I guess my planning experience is out of the ordinary, for some…

It is officially October and I am feeling the pressure. I have made amazing progress this past month! We have picked out the groom and groomsmen tux’s (all black, with cummerbunds and a little hanky to go in their pocket: classy and perfect!!!) selected the invitations, and have finally finished the guest list…!

My mom’s 8 year anniversary for being gone came and passed this Friday, September 26th. I was not as emotional as usual, and I had a hard time with that. I did not stay in bed and cry, or mope around, or eat pizza- my favorite go to. Instead, I socialized with family, got my nails done, and did some homework. Of course, I miss my mother with every inch of my being, but this year her anniversary was different. I could not figure out why, but I came up with a theory. I believe since I have been so emotional planning this wedding weekend and have longed for her presence during this process, her anniversary did not nearly seem as bad as January 17th, 2015 will be. That in itself is sad. I am praying that the day of my wedding, I have my mother in my thoughts and in my heart, but that I am not sad. Right now, that is my biggest fear- focusing more on the absence of my mom on my wedding day, than focusing on the fact that I am starting a life with an amazing man I love.

The invitation process was especially difficult. Seeing the invitations, my dad’s name and my fiancé’s parents names, makes the fact that she is not on it a reality. It was another one of those moments that I realized she REALLY will not be there to see me walk down the aisle. I tear up even thinking about it. My dad asked, when he saw the invitation, if we were going to put her name on the invitation with a z”l (a Jewish way of honoring those passed). Obviously, I would love to have my mom on the invitation, but it is impossible for someone who is not present on this earth to invite guests to a wedding. Etiquette advises against it, and to be truthful, I think seeing the z”l next to her name on the wedding invitation would be more depressing than not having her on the invitation at all.

I leave for my bachlorette party next weekend! We are going to NOLA and I have 10 beautiful, amazing, loving, best friends joining me! I am so surprised so many people signed up, NOLA is not cheap. I am forever grateful for them joining me to celebrate my last wild weekend as a single lady! Conveniently, O, is going on his bachelor party the same weekend as me. He is going to Nashville and I am sure we are both going to have a fun, wild, and amazing time with our best friends. I have been looking forward to this trip since February 2014! FINALLY!

I have been planning final (omg final!?) meetings with vendors. We picked our ceremony music last weekend and in a few weeks will get started on the Band’s playlist. Oren and I are trying to figure out the perfect first dance song- we keep going back and forth. Do you have suggestions? I know that I will be dancing with my Dad to the song “The way you look tonight”. I want to mimic the movie Father of the Bride as much as possible, but unlike the movie, my Dad will dance with me.

I just want to take a moment and thank all those who read this blog. The support and advice you give me does not go unnoticed. I started this blog because there is a lack of resources for motherless brides, and I wanted to share my experiences to possibly help future motherless brides. Your words keep me going through this crazy, insane, wedding planning process.

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4 thoughts on “Tick tock, the clock won’t stop…

  1. Maribeth

    Hi….I just wanted to say I recently came across your blog. Two years ago I was also a motherless bride. I got married on September 8, 2012. My mother died September 25, 2002, very close to the date of your mother. Anyways, I came across your blog on a post in an early mother-loss group that I am in on Facebook. I just wanted to say that when I was engaged I felt ALL of the things you are feeling. I don’t think in the past 12 years that I have ever missed my mother as much as I did when I was engaged. Though I carry my loss with me every day it was never in my face so glaringly obvious as it was when I was engaged. When my friends were planning their weddings and would tell me about the wedding things they did with their moms, I would literally burst into tears the moment I was alone. Still, 2 years later when I think about doing all those things without her, and all of the things she missed. It just breaks my heart. Anyways, I just wanted to say your blog rings so true to me and that you are not alone. I’m sure your upcoming wedding will be beautiful. I wish I had some advice….but the best thing I can tell you is doing this without your mom, it’s hard (you already know that), and it won’t get easier, but your wedding will still go on and you will love every single moment of it and it will still be one of the greatest days of your life. Best of luck to you. Thanks for writing.

    Reply
  2. Connie

    I, too, will be planning and having my wedding without my mom, who passed away March 14, 2004. My fiance and I got engaged about 2 weeks ago (planning on a May wedding), and I’ve already begun to experience the emotional rollercoaster of her not being here….it’s gonna be a long road.

    I hope that your wedding day is filled with good memories of your mom, but even more so filled with hopes for the future with your husband.

    Reply
  3. Julianne

    Thank you for your blog, my planning process so far has been much like yours, very feast or famine, seems like from what i’ve read that’s pretty common among motherless brides. My wedding will be in June and it’s nice to read your accounts of things that are so similar to my experiences, i’m not crazy after all! (or we both are)

    Reply
  4. Stacey

    Thank you for sharing your experience going through this process without your mom. I am going through it right now and it isn’t easy. Tomorrow is my bridal shower and I can barely sleep thinking about how she will not be there. I will try to live in the moment and take in all of the happiness others will be sharing with me. My wedding is in December and I have felt the same way you do. As far as songs…what about John Legend’s “All of Me”?? It’s a beautiful song! Thank you again for sharing

    Reply

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