Tag Archives: bride

Tick tock, the clock won’t stop…

…And boy, am I feeling the pressure! 108 days away from the nuptials of my best friend and so much is finished, but there is so much more to do! I knew wedding planning was an undertaking, but I honestly did not know it would be like this. Then again, I guess my planning experience is out of the ordinary, for some…

It is officially October and I am feeling the pressure. I have made amazing progress this past month! We have picked out the groom and groomsmen tux’s (all black, with cummerbunds and a little hanky to go in their pocket: classy and perfect!!!) selected the invitations, and have finally finished the guest list…!

My mom’s 8 year anniversary for being gone came and passed this Friday, September 26th. I was not as emotional as usual, and I had a hard time with that. I did not stay in bed and cry, or mope around, or eat pizza- my favorite go to. Instead, I socialized with family, got my nails done, and did some homework. Of course, I miss my mother with every inch of my being, but this year her anniversary was different. I could not figure out why, but I came up with a theory. I believe since I have been so emotional planning this wedding weekend and have longed for her presence during this process, her anniversary did not nearly seem as bad as January 17th, 2015 will be. That in itself is sad. I am praying that the day of my wedding, I have my mother in my thoughts and in my heart, but that I am not sad. Right now, that is my biggest fear- focusing more on the absence of my mom on my wedding day, than focusing on the fact that I am starting a life with an amazing man I love.

The invitation process was especially difficult. Seeing the invitations, my dad’s name and my fiancé’s parents names, makes the fact that she is not on it a reality. It was another one of those moments that I realized she REALLY will not be there to see me walk down the aisle. I tear up even thinking about it. My dad asked, when he saw the invitation, if we were going to put her name on the invitation with a z”l (a Jewish way of honoring those passed). Obviously, I would love to have my mom on the invitation, but it is impossible for someone who is not present on this earth to invite guests to a wedding. Etiquette advises against it, and to be truthful, I think seeing the z”l next to her name on the wedding invitation would be more depressing than not having her on the invitation at all.

I leave for my bachlorette party next weekend! We are going to NOLA and I have 10 beautiful, amazing, loving, best friends joining me! I am so surprised so many people signed up, NOLA is not cheap. I am forever grateful for them joining me to celebrate my last wild weekend as a single lady! Conveniently, O, is going on his bachelor party the same weekend as me. He is going to Nashville and I am sure we are both going to have a fun, wild, and amazing time with our best friends. I have been looking forward to this trip since February 2014! FINALLY!

I have been planning final (omg final!?) meetings with vendors. We picked our ceremony music last weekend and in a few weeks will get started on the Band’s playlist. Oren and I are trying to figure out the perfect first dance song- we keep going back and forth. Do you have suggestions? I know that I will be dancing with my Dad to the song “The way you look tonight”. I want to mimic the movie Father of the Bride as much as possible, but unlike the movie, my Dad will dance with me.

I just want to take a moment and thank all those who read this blog. The support and advice you give me does not go unnoticed. I started this blog because there is a lack of resources for motherless brides, and I wanted to share my experiences to possibly help future motherless brides. Your words keep me going through this crazy, insane, wedding planning process.

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Four months to go…

I can’t believe it. Only four months until I say “I do” to the man I love. I have become lazy with my blogging unfortunately. Life became busy and for a bit I forgot that I had created this blog. I think that I forgot about it mostly because I have been dealing with the absence of my mom better than ever since getting engaged.

It is weird to think I have not had extreme heartbreak in the past couple months. Of course I miss my mom and her presence. Not a second (literally, not one second) goes by that I do not miss my mom. My heart constantly aches for her. Though this is true, I have come to a point during this process where I no longer feel sorry for myself. My mothers absence is what it is. I can’t change it so it’s better that I embrace it, however that may be. In addition, my family and friends are being so helpful to me. They are giving advice and pitching in when I need it the most. I have stopped thinking silly thoughts of people becoming sick of my wedding talk (though I guarentee there are some people who just want me to shut up). I am embracing people’s advice and help and I have stopped feeling guilty. Let’s be real, my mom would want me to get help rather than try to be superwoman and do everything alone. Though, don’t get it wrong, this wedding is basically being planned 99% by yours truly.

I have done a lot in the past few months. My aunt took O and I to register! It was SO tiring. I could not believe how much energy it takes to register. We had to stop midway through. I was becoming hangry (hungry + angry), and really, how much can one register for in one day? A few weeks later, I finished registering online. That was a great decision. I am happy with everything we registered for and have my fingers crossed for a few specific items! One thing I think I should invent from all this- a way to prioritize your registry. I love everything on my registry, but I wish there was a way I could prioritize the items so I definitely get some things, and if I don’t get others, it would not be the end of the world… Oh well. Another project for another year! (Don’t take my idea!)

The save the dates were sent out, but not without a hassle. Boy, did we learn what we DO NOT want to do for the wedding invitations. With headaches and hours spent on labeling, stamping, and stuffing, we are happy that part is finished. It was wonderful to receive the multiple calls and texts about how much people loved our save the dates 🙂

The flower girls dresses are picked out. I am very happy with what we picked out! They are so cute on my nieces and cousin and I can’t wait for them to walk down the aisle and be princesses!

Of course we finished other super important wedding tasks; we added two more musicians to our band making it a 9 piece band, we locked in the lighting contract, the ceremony musician, the cake baker, and had the tasting for the reception! It feels amazing to have so much done. I am working on little things here and there but am happy to say am a lot less stressed than I was before. It’s coming together, as it should be! Remember people, only four more months!! No more “plenty of time” comments 🙂

Though I am emotionally stable with the fact my mother is absent from this time in my life (as of now, who knows when that could change. Seriously, it’s like a switch of a button- as I am sure you know), I am still wondering how I am going to be on the wedding day, or the wedding weekend I should say. I hope I am able to keep it together but also will give myself the freedom to feel what I need to feel. I am never one who holds back my feelings. I know how important it is for myself to experience all the emotions happening in my heart and head.

On September 26th, it will be the 8th anniversary of my mother’s passing. It is so weird. On one hand, 8 years does not seem like a long time at all. One the other hand, it seems like it was so long ago. It is difficult as there are things about my mom that I do not remember. If I try hard I might be able to remember them. I can hear her saying “Sarah” but when I try to remember her voice in other ways, I can’t seem to hear it in my head. I wish for the nights I can dream of her again. Maybe with my wedding coming up she will come to me again in my dreams. I could only be so lucky.

I want to end this post on a very very happy note. Three weeks ago O and I became aunt and uncle X 4. My brother and his wife welcomed a beautiful baby boy into this world. Of course, he was named after my mom. He is beautiful and we all feel so lucky to have this new addition in our family. They live overseas, so I will not meet him until the wedding. That just makes the anticipation for my wedding one trillion times greater.

I promise I will keep up on my writing. Please write to me too! I am honored by those who reply to my posts. I thank those who read my posts and understand the pain I am going through. I think of you often and send my love to you during your own journey.

“Plenty of Time”

It’s like clockwork. I am asked how wedding planning is going by family, friends, and acquaintances on a regular basis. It is sweet for people to think of me and ask how the wedding planning is progressing. I answer by telling them that I have most of my major vendors, little things here and there completed, and that my biggest concern is finding a wedding cake. (Backstory: My wedding is very kosher, so not only does my cake have to be parve, it also has to be baked in a kosher kitchen, with kosher ingredients, AND supervised by a rabbi. Not so simple.) When explaining this to people they say “Oh! Don’t worry, you have plenty of time!”

Plenty of time? Usually a bride would answer with a smile and say “yeah, you’re right!” However, this is not how I feel on the inside. I may present myself with a smile, agreeing with their belief I have plenty of time, but on the inside I want to shred them a part. Harsh? Maybe. But to continually hear that I have plenty of time from people who have no idea what is going on in my life or do know what is going on but choose to ignore it, is becoming frustrating.

They are right. My wedding is in January 2015. For most brides, they would have plenty of time to figure out all the details. However, in my case, I am doing this (for the most part) alone. I would have plenty of time if my mom was here helping me get everything organized. I would have plenty of time if I was not a full time student, with two jobs, and planning another major event set to take place a month after my wedding for the University I work for. However, that is not the case. I do not have plenty of time. I only have a week off from school until I go back for summer classes and start my summer internship. I do not have a mom who is able to call a million different bakeries in different cities seeing if they are supervised kosher. I do not have my mom here to calm me down and help me with every little detail. I might have time, but not plenty. From my perspective, I have less than 8 months to get everything planned and organized on top of the other responsibilities I am tied too and I am doing it all without the support of my mom.

I realize I complain a lot. I do not want to be a debbie downer. It is hard to change the way I feel planning this wedding without my mom. It is harder to plan it when I am surrounded by people who do not know what it is like to be doing this without my mom. Not just on a task level, but on an emotional level.

Today I went to the tailor where I sent my mom’s dress. Her dress is from 1983, so it was pretty outdated and dare I say, hideous? I knew I wanted to use it in some way or another. I decided to have them cut the neckline into a sweetheart shape. They added straps, and next the are going to shorten the skirt. It is going to be my party dress. I will wear my beautiful wedding gown until 10 pm and then will change into my mom’s dress. It is another way I can honor her. 

When I tried it on, I started crying. For so many reasons. 1: I wish she was here to see how beautiful it turned out. 2: I wish I could know her reaction to the decision I made to reconstruct the dress. 3: I just wish she was here with me. 

It is obvious the fact that being a motherless bride is upsetting and frustrating. I have come to realize one of the hardest aspects of planning your wedding without your mom is not having someone come to every appointment with you. I am constantly having to ask aunts and friends to come with me, and when I have multiple appointments in a week, I usually just go to some of them alone.

I have started feeling guilty when asking someone to come with me to multiple appointments in one week. When you have your mother, I assume that they attend every appointment with you. And how could you feel guilty about asking your mom to attend the multiple wedding appointments you have scheduled? You wouldn’t, because thats what a mom wants to do for their daughter. They want to be involved in the wedding planning process, help pick out decorations, find a cake, see you in their dress, even the dress you picked out to be your wedding gown. I cried multiple times today while trying my dress on for the first time since it arrived in the salon, and while trying on her dress, the dress I plan to wear later in the night for the reception. 

How do I get over this guilt I feel every time I need to go to an appointment. Sometimes it’s better to go alone and deal with my feelings, not be guilty, and just get it done than having someone with me who does not understand the pain I feel doing this all without my mom. It’s hard because to them, she isn’t a necessity, but to me she is all I need and want during this process and in life.

Motherless brides: Who goes with you to all your appointments? Do you ever feel bad constantly asking people to attend appointments with you?

I thought it would get easier as the planning process continued but am finding that it is only getting harder.